The Truth About Conscious Relationships
I’ll get right to the point: the truth about conscious relationships is that they're not any easier than other relationships. If anything, in some ways they can be even more challenging.
Why? Because they call us to embody our own divinity, by learning the highest form of open-heartedness and compassion: unconditional love.
Sounds amazing, right? It's what we all seem to want, after all. What would be MORE challenging about that? 😏
Well, it's the simple fact that it asks us to be incredibly self-aware and brutally honest with ourselves about how unloving and closed-hearted we can really be sometimes, to others AND ourselves. It also asks us to take complete responsibility for ourselves—our wounds, our needs, our unconsciousness, our healing, our choices, our participation in dysfunction—and to BE unconditionally loving and conscious, even in the face of hatred and unconsciousness.
By sheer virtue of answering the call to greatness, the call to embody unconditional love, it pre-supposes that we must encounter each and every part within us that does NOT feel worthy of love. And these are the hardest parts to face, let alone integrate, because it means coming face-to-face with raw wounds that might contain rage, sadness, fear, hurt, guilt and shame. We are asked to sacrifice our right to blame, resent and judge others. In return, we are promised the full embodiment of our own divinity--the experience of pure love, pure consciousness and harmony within. This means living peacefully in flow and harmonic balance with all that is. It's becoming the Creator of your own experience of reality. It's living in connection and alignment with Source.
This is the true purpose of relationship: to give us a sacred mirror (our partner) that shows us in raw honesty where we have not yet integrated the fullness of our being with unconditional love. Our partners then (whether they know it or not) are teachers who can help us forgive & love the parts of ourselves that feel most challenging to love. And we have the opportunity to help them do the same, through the way we choose to see and love them.
I’ve been with my current partner for four years now, and it’s by far the most healthy and most healing relationship I’ve experienced—and we’ve seen our fair share of challenges and rough patches too. The wisdom I’ve learned from my experience of embracing a conscious relationship has transformed me in more profound ways than I can even describe. While four years is not that many in the grand scheme of things, it’s also NOT an insignificant amount of time for a relationship either. And I continue learning even to this very day.
So I’d like to share with you some things I’ve learned so far about what it means to be in conscious partnership:
1.) "Conscious" doesn't mean easier; sometimes it can actually feel more challenging (yet far more rewarding).
It's easy to project, blame, judge and make our partner responsible. It's much more challenging to accept responsibility and be radically self-aware, reflective, fully present, accepting & compassionate. Yet these ideals are worth pursuing, as they're the makings of a healthy relationship and lasting connection.
2.) There's still going to be conflict.
Challenges in life are unavoidable, and all relationships are bound to hit rough patches, or have disagreements. The difference is that with two conscious partners, the conflict is handled more skillfully, with greater awareness and patience. We understand that if one wins, the other loses. We're no longer interested in winning; rather, we seek mutually beneficial solutions.
3.) We still have needs and desires.
Being a conscious partner doesn't mean you don't rely on the other person at all, or that you stop having needs. We rely on each other to make mutual energy investments and contributions of value so the relationship is a safe, fertile, healthy space for connection and intimacy. We both acknowledge our own needs as important while also placing equal value on being in heart-centered service to one another.
4.) We still sometimes judge each other or act/speak toward each other unlovingly.
We're human, we still make mistakes, and our ego loves to feel superior by finding fault in others. The difference in a conscious relationship is we refuse to believe those judgments as truth. Recognizing & challenging our self-righteous projections breeds humility, and gives us a more compassionate view of each other (and ourselves).
5.) We'll still have our vast differences.
But instead of being irritated by them, or trying to eliminate our differences, we learn to accept, honor and appreciate the way they bring balance to each other.
6.) Our deepest wounds will still be triggered sometimes.
Once in a while, our partner may strike a deep nerve and we may find ourselves acting out regretfully unconscious behavior that we thought we had grown from and left in the past. These are signs that there's still more work to do. So, instead of blaming our partner, we recognize these as opportunities for investigation, self-love, compassion, forgiveness and healing, and we learn from it.
7.) We'll still be tempted to fall into the "comfort zone".
Everyone hits a "rut" at some point, where things feel a bit stagnant. But in a conscious partnership, we won't be content to stay there too long. Instead, we work to bring out the best in each other. We hold each other to our greatness and support one another so the whole system thrives.
8.) You'll be challenged to become a better version of yourself.
Having a great, conscious relationship means also being a great, conscious partner. And the call to greatness will no doubt lead us into direct encounters with our buried feelings of unworthiness. In a conscious relationship, we are allies, sacred mirrors and teachers for each other, tasked with reflecting back to our partner their worthiness of love, and vice versa. We teach each other how to live with an open heart and love more fully.